When I'm covered by the thunder I'll get rid of all my breath deep in our lungs.

Recently it's really been time to switch things up. Though I don't feel tired of traditional media, it just seems impossible lately to come up with anything to do with it. Maybe it's not as exciting, maybe it's a touch of burnout. ... I think it's due to my insatiable wanderlust for different styles, media, implements... you know the way they describe food in critics' and food marketers' circles as having "mouth-feel"? I think there should be something similar for drawing and painting. Hand-feel, or something kind of like Brain-hand-feel. Every different style, every different approach and tool and medium has a different brain to hand connection, and a separate section reserved only for it. Now this is starting to sound like a bit of crazy talk, but I hope I have a valid reason to bring it up.

The thing is, all that space reserved for different hand motions and different painting styles, well.. takes up a lot of space. And it's not too much of a concern for people who have a major style and a preferred medium. They're lucky, I think, because they already have all of that figured out.. no self-searching, no anguish over once again transitioning. All that's left to do (or so it seems from the outside) is to practice, and get really good at whatever is uniquely yours, and work on improving the other aspects (composition, form, whatever it is you need to work on). ...Of course, I could also be dead wrong about that, but we're just going to go with my assumptions for the moment.

Some people say having versatility is a benefit, that it can be what makes you a sought-after illustrator. But it seems to me, as of right now, that all it does is make everything take longer, confuse the illustrator, and leave one with this guilty sense that they're not working hard enough. ..Well, now that we know my hangups.

But I don't really want to be a "versatile" illustrator, because what that usually means is that they will want to make you do something you really would never want to do, but you and they both know you can, and so you do, and you hate it all the way along, and it weakens your portfolio in the end because your boredom shows through. And so far in my struggle for continuity, it really is seeming to take an inordinate amount of time for anything to come together, for the straggling ends to either get sucked back up into the center or just finally drop away. As soon as I think something is out for good (Like digital. Like comics.), it comes right back around and bites me in the ass.

This is what happened yesterday. Stuck in a rut with painting, knowing it will come back to me but not when, looking at illustration trade magazines all day and getting more and more antsy, I just got fed up. Came home at eleven thirty, sat right down at the photoshop, and did what I thought I'd never do again.

And obviously this is fine. I'm really happy with the drawing. I'd even love to make a lot more drawings like it. What I'm tired of is always having to switch to something else, to go through some kind of upheaval every time a resurgence occurs. It would just be so nice to be consistent.

But maybe that's just not the way it's going to be. And if you really step back from it, it's probably a good thing anyway. At least, it's kind of a guarantee that the work won't get stale. Hopefully it will mean that I won't get too bored. I just have to stop deciding I'm done with anything For Good, I guess. Just have to get used to being sort of scatter-brained, sort of all the time.

Just have to stop worrying! about everything so much, Erin. Srsly.

Also, what do you think? Black or white hair? This came up accidentally and I kind of like it.. but maybe the design doesn't read as strong?

1 comment:

Evan Johnsen said...

I like the white hair. The subtle white statement looks alot more elegant than the black shape.
And I agree, its really hard to tell if you're really done with a particular medium...I picked Gouache back up recently on a trip to New York even though I was pretty sure I was done with it.
The best thing to do is simply say I'M SO DONE WITH THIS...i think.
I want to go back to oils again...but the setup of everything is a pain in the butt and I'd rather do on-location stuff than sit in the studio.